It's been a couple of weeks since I wrote anything on here. I've been fine, I just haven't had the compulsion to write anything. Nothing extraordinary has happened and for a change (albeit temporarily) I haven't felt like massaging my ego and showing off.Last weekend we went for lunch with my sister and her hubby which went well and without disaster. No fish bones were choked on, no wine spilt and no huge family arguments took place.There was supposed to be another blues night following the one last month but I never got any word about it. I had decided that I had overstepped the mark the last time by hogging centre stage all night and presumed I wouldn't be asked back. However my mate came round this afternoon and asked me to play again on the 21st... but he did ask me not to take centre...
Well I did it. I ventured out of the house and cowardly went where most men have gone before. I went to the blues night. My mate wasn't there when I got there, so I walked into the room, looked around at all the faces looking at me and felt completely gormless... PANIC!!!It was time for fight or flight. I don't know how it happened but I switched onto autopilot to my old crap patter, introducing myself to everyone and making wisecracks (or unwise cracks) to all and sundry. By the time my pal arrived I was all set up and ready to play. By this time I was buzzing, all wound up and pacing around the floor as if I was on whizz, desperate to get a move on.We had rehearsed 5 songs and I wanted to get them done and out of the way. I was standing behind the mike, centre stage, clutching my...
I met with Moonstone yesterday... She thought I looked better. We looked over my mood charts and activity charts. I've been more active since discovering I was over 18 stones. Also, the mere fact that I have to chart it, encourages me to do things. My mood remains constant, permanently entrenched in "mild depression without significant impairment". This is partly because I have no sensation of mood but simply assess myself by my behaviour. I guess mild activity equals mild mood so that's what I write. We spoke about the holiday, I had found it easier to engage with people in Majorca because they were complete strangers and had no preconceptions about me. Living in a small town everyone knows me and expects me to be exuberant, loud, friendly and overenthusiastic. Anything less will be...
Today I pass another milestone on the drudge towards death…. well I guess that’s how I’d put it at other times but fortunately my upbeat mood continues and the outlook at the moment seems quite rosey. Yes, I’m 48 today (probably in stones as well as years, thank you depakote). I’m still busy producing music, here’s one of my recent songs, it’s a kinda bipolar blues…. Once again I’ve launched myself on Bebo and MySpace in the hope of finding a musical niche for myself…. so far there has been only one response. But just in case there us a sudden demand for my musical talents I have prepared for performance and bought a kickass valve amp that will blow your head off at 40 paces. Apart from making music and wandering through cyberspace, I’m basically...
