It's been a couple of weeks since I wrote anything on here. I've been fine, I just haven't had the compulsion to write anything. Nothing extraordinary has happened and for a change (albeit temporarily) I haven't felt like massaging my ego and showing off.Last weekend we went for lunch with my sister and her hubby which went well and without disaster. No fish bones were choked on, no wine spilt and no huge family arguments took place.There was supposed to be another blues night following the one last month but I never got any word about it. I had decided that I had overstepped the mark the last time by hogging centre stage all night and presumed I wouldn't be asked back. However my mate came round this afternoon and asked me to play again on the 21st... but he did ask me not to take centre...
Well after Monday's long lie I was determined to get to Edinburgh so had an early night. I woke spontaneously around 6:30am yesterday which is a real record for me of late. I was out of the house by half seven and off on my merry way to the bus stop.My biggest fear was how to use my bus pass. Do I just flash it as I board or what? They give you one but don't tell you how to use it. Anyway I stepped up onto the bus, flashed my card and went to get a seat. I was immediately called back by a grumpy driver who told me I had to put it on a scanner and then state my destination. I did this then walked on "Hey! Ticket!" yelled the grouch.I went back and the old git gave me a ticket. Fine, that's that sorted. After two 2 hours cramped up in a seat designed for a five year old midget I was in...
Well I did it. I ventured out of the house and cowardly went where most men have gone before. I went to the blues night. My mate wasn't there when I got there, so I walked into the room, looked around at all the faces looking at me and felt completely gormless... PANIC!!!It was time for fight or flight. I don't know how it happened but I switched onto autopilot to my old crap patter, introducing myself to everyone and making wisecracks (or unwise cracks) to all and sundry. By the time my pal arrived I was all set up and ready to play. By this time I was buzzing, all wound up and pacing around the floor as if I was on whizz, desperate to get a move on.We had rehearsed 5 songs and I wanted to get them done and out of the way. I was standing behind the mike, centre stage, clutching my...
I met with Moonstone yesterday... She thought I looked better. We looked over my mood charts and activity charts. I've been more active since discovering I was over 18 stones. Also, the mere fact that I have to chart it, encourages me to do things. My mood remains constant, permanently entrenched in "mild depression without significant impairment". This is partly because I have no sensation of mood but simply assess myself by my behaviour. I guess mild activity equals mild mood so that's what I write. We spoke about the holiday, I had found it easier to engage with people in Majorca because they were complete strangers and had no preconceptions about me. Living in a small town everyone knows me and expects me to be exuberant, loud, friendly and overenthusiastic. Anything less will be...
Today I pass another milestone on the drudge towards death…. well I guess that’s how I’d put it at other times but fortunately my upbeat mood continues and the outlook at the moment seems quite rosey. Yes, I’m 48 today (probably in stones as well as years, thank you depakote). I’m still busy producing music, here’s one of my recent songs, it’s a kinda bipolar blues…. Once again I’ve launched myself on Bebo and MySpace in the hope of finding a musical niche for myself…. so far there has been only one response. But just in case there us a sudden demand for my musical talents I have prepared for performance and bought a kickass valve amp that will blow your head off at 40 paces. Apart from making music and wandering through cyberspace, I’m basically...
Things continue to go well. We spent a couple of days in York earlier this month. The weather was beautiful (if a bit chilly) and we spent the time just sauntering around and eating and drinking.Back at home I finished recording and mixing my album and the CDs have now been pressed, I'm really pleased with it and if I get time will post an mp3 on here but I'm already starting the next one. I've got some new software and also rewired my wee studio to make things easier for me. I also bought a semi acoustic guitar to add to the growing collection.On the downside I've had a couple of near misses when driving recently so am avoiding get behind the wheel for the time being. Also had a bit difficulty sleeping occasionally and on the odd night have taken Largactil (Chlorpromazine/Thorazine) in...
I finished Notes From Underground. I must confess that I didn’t really understand the 2nd part of the book. Although I recognized and related to some of the suffering, especially being ashamed of your own poverty and the fear of responsibility for others, it was still confusing how he had empathy for Liza and yet was so cruel to her. It is probably full of metaphors and stuff that folk in literature classes understand, but not me. Still brilliant stuff though and I went back through Part 1 and enjoyed it even more 2nd time around.I didn’t win the auction for the RavenWest guitar I was bidding for on EBay. Could have won it (I usually throw in a bid in the last 20 seconds) but I was wrapped up in other stuff at the end of the auction and forgot all about it. Bummer, it was a beauty....
