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Well I did it. I ventured out of the house and cowardly went where most men have gone before. I went to the blues night. My mate wasn't there when I got there, so I walked into the room, looked around at all the faces looking at me and felt completely gormless... PANIC!!!It was time for fight or flight. I don't know how it happened but I switched onto autopilot to my old crap patter, introducing myself to everyone and making wisecracks (or unwise cracks) to all and sundry. By the time my pal arrived I was all set up and ready to play. By this time I was buzzing, all wound up and pacing around the floor as if I was on whizz, desperate to get a move on.We had rehearsed 5 songs and I wanted to get them done and out of the way. I was standing behind the mike, centre stage, clutching my...

I met with Moonstone yesterday... She thought I looked better. We looked over my mood charts and activity charts. I've been more active since discovering I was over 18 stones. Also, the mere fact that I have to chart it, encourages me to do things. My mood remains constant, permanently entrenched in "mild depression without significant impairment". This is partly because I have no sensation of mood but simply assess myself by my behaviour. I guess mild activity equals mild mood so that's what I write. We spoke about the holiday, I had found it easier to engage with people in Majorca because they were complete strangers and had no preconceptions about me. Living in a small town everyone knows me and expects me to be exuberant, loud, friendly and overenthusiastic. Anything less will be...